Tales from the Crypt at Halftime…

Credited to Homer Rice of Georgia Tech, the air option offense allows the quarterback to choose whether to run, pitch to a running back, or throw a forward pass to one of his three receivers on any given play. A smart and fast signal caller running the formation well can work magic against opposing defenses and rack up big points fast.

Sam, a successful married man and pillar of the community, takes his family out to eat. There, he meets an attractive young waitress, Janie. He runs the option on several plays: a prolonged glance here, a big tip there, a phone number scribbled on a napkin. Dinner is served and do you want fries to go with that shake? Yeah? He’s going all – the – way… Touchdown!

Monday morning quarterbacks see the inevitable conclusion ahead but how many times have we gone deep on first down in spite of the ring (okay, tan line) on index fingers? Though silent for a minute, CK (The Crypt Keeper) begs to speak, “Warning: These options have their own priorities and your soul is fair price for their American dreams. Game over!”

Hackneyed and trite phraseology but you feel me. Why not hit the showers early? At least get a second read from the sidelines before the quick commit. Have a team meeting if you must but don’t sacrifice the whole squad for the rookie. Winners prove themselves on the field of life, not the field of dreams.

PS: I must holler at CK about stealing that line from John Kramer.

Life By Design: Clowning Around Politically

Priorities are constantly voided and resources disproportionately consumed in exchange for nothing more than empty promises and token appeasements; Manhattan Island (for $24 worth of trinkets), Trickle Down Economics (the poor will benefit… someday!) and NAFTA (it’s just a few manufacturing jobs) come readily to mind as practical jokes from gag-writer’s heaven and not jaded reality.

Like clockwork, the political realm provides excellent fodder for the complementary relationship between false priorities and unequal exchange. Every 4 – 6 years, some of the nation’s highest seats become vacant. Based upon polls and other feedback, the people seeking these chairs kiss babies and generally promise fulfillment of the sugarplum visions of their constituency: no new taxes, universal health care, a living wage for all, more conservatism for conservatives, more liberalism for liberals, so on and so forth it goes, anything to get elected. If our candidate is elected, the end result is that I feel good. You feel good. WE FEEL good, don’t we? Happy days are here again (somebody strike the chorus)!

Of course, the ugly truth is… results often vary and are highly dependent upon the compromises inherent within the political process. Our volunteer hours, campaign contributions and slavish devotion to politicos posturing on the idiot box (modern television) evaporate rather quickly in the boiling cauldron of NOW. In the political now, nothing ever seems to change, yesterday and tomorrow don’t matter and I don’t know about you but I feel voided. The talking heads  and their soporific tones drone on and Zzzzzzz… Another day wasted, gone for good to no net effect!

Dreaming is nice but waking up can be a beautiful thing, sports fans. If our children are so valuable, why don’t we pay our teachers more? Why’d that bridge fall in Minneapolis? Why aren’t there any bridge inspectors in some states? Who’s the largest holder of US debt? What about fixing social security? Who’s responsible for the recession? Why is corporate welfare encouraged while individual welfare verboten? What are the long-term ramifications of awarding H1-B Visas like lotto tickets? When are the “better” jobs coming? Man, who moved my cotton-picking cheese? And the band played on, drowning out the interrogatory chorus of the huddle masses seeking scraps over there where but for the grace of God, go I.

Fast-forwarding a year or two, we’ll find the wheels on the short bus going ’round and ’round with the advent of the next election. Same idealogical turf wars albeit sprinkled with different scenarios and actors, possibly. Well, this couch potato has no choice but to stand up and stop eating Big Macs for a minute and quote the greatest of old-school philosophers, Homey the Clown:

I DON’T THINK SO!

Homey “took no shorts” along the way to reaching “da man” and giving him a piece of his mind. So, WWHD (What Would Homey Do) now after assessing this landscape fractured by waves of bankruptcies, depleting opportunities and hard times coming just like the flu? He’d find the accountable parties, position necessary interrogatories and escalate to a clown-like frequency to get the results needed to survive. He’d tell any representative of the people not representing the people to put a sock in it or better yet, club them at the voting house come election day, El Kabong-style.

Voters are citizens with real PRIORITIES, not clowns whose future interests are to be OPTIONED away for benefit of the gilded few who gleefully watch them chase each other around the modern day version of P.T. Barnum’s Big Top, the nightly newscasts. How can you honor Homey and help yourself? Do what you do: Write/call your elected official of choice. March for your cause until your feet hurt, then march some more. Respect the rights of others while making this system better for your children in a manner consistent with your personal style. Be Homey now to help the homies later. God Bless America!

Disclaimer: This unofficial satire does not reflect scholarly or contemporary opinion, please study issues for yourself before making lasting decisions of community, domestic and global impact. Due to the irreverent nature of this commentary, subsequent editions may appear without notice. “Leadership Secrets of Homey D. Clown” is a forthcoming work from the author who will now disconnect and go to his day job.

A conversation with Skip Gates

When not debating the merits of home ownership with Cambridge’s Finest, Skip Gates also kicks it on the regular at Martha’s Vineyard.

Question: Is my inner-Du Bois showing if I’m jealous of his red tricycle?

Google to launch open-source OS!

It makes this Open Source advocate happy indeed that Chrome will be more than a browser upon which I scour the web.  Having sold laptops and desktops to pay personal bills, I share that the costs of the Operating System (OS) and Productivity Package are justifiable core components of the upsell, the perpetual game where the public is enticed to spend far more than their original intentions (and budget) allows.

Google is apparently seeking to score big in collaboration with a solid hardware manufacturer not in bed with Microsoft. If so, they’ll start with netbooks for their Chrome OS and use Google Docs for productivity (or if they’re true to the game, offer the versatility of Open Office, AbiWord, etc…). Then, who knows what could happen when word spreads? Internet Shangri-la is just around the corner at your local Wally World! It depends and as Danny Glover said in The Color Purple about messing with the mailbox, “Could be… could NOT be!”

Reality dictates that the major computer hardware manufacturers are going to continue resisting open source operating systems like the Border Patrol resists the northward bound. It doesn’t benefit them to reduce costs in an already-shrinking market although the highest margins are now with enterprise and storage. Meanwhile, they’ll probably continue shoving Windows XP out the door on their netbook offerings. Nonetheless, the dream persists: free software for all!

Life By Design: Prepping for a Half Marathon or 10K

I’m fenda’ do a half-marathon! Really? Not right now but one of these days, Alice, one of these days! Or, as that esteemed purveyor of scholarly observation, Mr. Brown, would say:

Get Ready! Get Ready!! Get Ready!!! Get Ready!!!!

Seriously, I commit to the rigorous transformation of my gelatinous temple and have scooped up these 10K prerequisites from an online walking site.

Requirements:
1. Walk comfortably for 4 miles on my long day and for 3 miles 3 days a week. Yawn… been there, done that!
2. Commit to one long day per week, from 2 – 5 hours. Okie dokie.

Weekly Schedule:
1. Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday: walk 3-4 miles.
2. Monday, Wednesday, Friday: Days off. Don’t like this, will walk at least one mile on the off day since I’m “in it to win it” for my blood pressure and weight reduction.
3. Sunday: Mileage building day

Notes to Self | Problems to Overcome:
Problem – The tedium of routine is oft-defeated by my Type-A brain.
Solution – Walk to engage the Relaxation Response (i.e. Runner’s High), or to paraphrase 50 Cent, “Or die tryin!”

Problem – 2+ hours daily is hard to schedule.
Solution – Keep walking very early or very late, away from core working (and high heat index) hours. Also find hiking trails with great forest canopies for longer walks.

Problem – Dunlaps Disease.
Solution – Tense in my stomach until I can see my feet. “Remember the 80’s when the belly didn’t make you feel like GI Joe when looking down?” Duh, yeah…. “Good, now go find an Ab-Lounger!” Doh!

RB2, aka The Daywalker